Dubium
by diggingupdirt
Summary: Jill and Eustace go to visit the Pevensies one summer, and it proves to be a life-changing experience. With love, rebellion, death, betrayal and adventure on the cards, will they and their friendship ever be the same again?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! This is my first story under this account, but I had a bit of it posted under "readyslavery" a couple of years ago. I've rewritten & revised quite a lot of it and hopefully I'll be able to finish it this time. I always thought that the gap between The Silver Chair and The Last Battle was rather long compared to the time between the other adventures. I'd been thinking about writing a story to fill the gap a few months before starting, but no inspiration came to me. Then, I had a dream about Jill & Eustace getting into Narnia, and a vague storyline formed in the dream. I took that and have added a **_**lot**_** to I, as well as taking out some of the more odd, dreamlike things.**

**Dubium, the title, is Latin for 'doubt', which I think fits quite well in reference to Jill & Eustace!**

X

Eustace Scrubb was not happy. Not happy at all.

Not only was Pole due at any moment, and not only were his parents were bickering with each other as usual, but he couldn't find it. He'd spent weeks saving up for it, even to the extent of sacrificing his weekly purchase of boiled sweets (_oh_, the cravings he'd had), and now he'd gone and lost it.

His room was a complete mess because of his mad searching. He'd even gone as far as ripping the sheets off his bed. He saw now, as he stood in the middle of papers and ornaments and all the rest of his belongings, breathing heavily, that it had all been to no avail. He'd have to think of some excuse.

_Perfect_, he thought angrily to himself. _Just go and make a fool of yourself, as usual, Eustace. Just go and -_

A knock at the door ended this particularly vicious train of thought. He tensed, trying to calm his breathing and his fury at himself. It was probably his father, asking what all the noise had been. Or his mother, with freshly laundered clothes. He began to panic slightly at what the reaction to the mess would be.

"Scrubb!" called a familiar voice. "It's Jill, your mother just let me in!"

Eustace cursed softly under his breath, eyes moving to the floor. The path to the door was littered with the contents of his bookshelf. Slightly hazardous. Not quite daring to take the trip across them himself, he called, sulkily, "Come in, then."

There was a sigh from the girl, and the door swung open. "I do think the birthday girl would get a better welcome, but - oh! What _have_ you been doing? It looks like your room has been bombed!"

He didn't know how to reply, without confessing that he'd lost a very important something. So he just shuffled awkwardly on his feet, rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, and said, with a forced smile, "Happy birthday!"

Pole's face fell slightly - or so he thought - before her eyes skimmed the room curiously. Eustace examined her, wondering if she'd changed at all, now that she was, by title, a year older than his fourteen-year-old self. He couldn't let her _grow up_, even if she was growing older. Another cousin Susan just wouldn't do.

She looked the same, by all means. Her blonde hair was still slightly curly and cut to neck-length, as it had been as long as he could remember. Her skin was still clear and slightly rosy, cheeks likely to go a little pink at any time with embarrassment or (mostly) anger. She was the tiniest bit shorter than himself. Her eyes were still a light green.

Eustace was satisfied. She'd not miraculously become a woman overnight. He stood, foolishly studying her, all the time wondering what to say to excuse the hovel they stood in. As he had just plucked up the courage to speak, as he opened his mouth hesitantly, he saw her eyes light up and her face brighten.

"Scrubb! What's that on your windowsill? It seems the only thing not tipped upside down in the entire room."

He turned, curiously, before his face went blank and his mouth fell open. _There it was!_ On the windowsill the whole time! He could have hit himself. There it was in broad daylight, conspicuous - Pole's birthday present, wrapped in the brightest orange paper. It couldn't _be_ any brighter if it tried to be!

"Ah," Eustace began to laugh, quickly masking his surprise. "I'm sure you can guess."

Her gaze flicked uncertainly to his, their eyes meeting. A smile broke out over Pole's face, and she carefully made her way toward the windowsill, somehow avoiding all of the items on the floor before her. She picked up the orange parcel. With a last glance at her friend, she began to unwrap it.

A new wave of worries now hit Eustace. Now the present had been found, he suddenly wished it had been lost again. _She's sure to hate it. It's not my fault though. How was I know what to get her? Blasted girls, I've heard how picky they can be._

"Scrubb!" Pole laughed, looking thrilled. She had opened the box that had been wrapped, and now was carefully taking out the present. "Is this really for me?"

"Of course," Scrubb replied, confused at how dry his mouth had gone. He swallowed heavily. "You - you like it?"

"Oh, don't be silly, it's - it's stunning!" she exclaimed, sounding so sincere that Eustace stopped doubting her immediately. She held it up in the light, placing the box back on the windowsill. It was a silver charm bracelet. The three charms he'd bought were on it - one of an intricately designed star, one a simple 'J' shape and the other, well, the other was a lion, in gold. It stood out against the silver like the swirl of the moon against the darkness of the night.

She suddenly appeared shyer than before, as she fastened it around her wrist. Her eyes seemed fixed on the jewellery. Biting her lip, she poorly suppressed a delighted smile. "Thank you, Scrubb. It really is -"

"It's nothing," he said quickly, also biting his lip nervously. He didn't like the strange and uncomfortable air that had entered the room. They both seemed to want to say something, yet feel too silly saying it. Finally, Pole made her way over to him and hugged him tightly.

"It's wonderful, it really is," she laughed, releasing him. "It must have been so expensive. I feel awful accepting it. I had better start saving up for _your_ birthday, if I want to get anything near as good."

"I'm glad you like it," Eustace grinned, breathing easier, and running a hand through his dark hair. "I'd torn the room apart looking for it. I barely believe I managed to look everywhere but where it really was."

Pole laughed, disbelievingly. "So _that's_ why we're standing amongst all this! I suppose that's why you sounded so reluctant to let me in, as well."

"Yes, it was," he admitted, a small thread of relief in his voice.

"Well then," Pole sighed heavily, looking around her and seeming as though she was bracing herself for something terrible. "Let's get on with cleaning then, shall we?"

x

They finished their job within the hour, much to the relief of the both of them. They then made their way downstairs, as dinner was being served by Alberta, Eustace's mother. It was cheese sandwiches with a sponge cake afterward, which Eustace had persuaded his mother to bake in honour of his friend's birthday.

"That was lovely," Pole complimented, once she'd finished her cake. "Thank you ever so much, Mrs Scrubb."

"It's no problem," Alberta smiled, slight stiffly (Eustace noticed). "Once again, Jill. You may call me Alberta."

"Sorry, Alberta, it's just so -" Pole stopped quickly. Eustace could tell she was about to say strange or odd. His cheeks coloured slightly, and he miserably slumped lower in his chair. "I'm just not used to it."

Eustace looked nervously at his mother (his father was at work). Alberta had frowned for a moment, but quickly bustled back into the kitchen. Recently, he had been growing terribly aware of how different and unusual his parents' beliefs were, compared to other people. He wasn't sure he liked the divide.

"Sorry, Scrubb," Pole whispered, looking horrified at herself. "I didn't mean to offend you or your mother. It just still feels a little odd to me, calling someone's parent by their first name."

"Well, don't go on about it, of all things," Eustace snapped back. Pole blinked, before sighing and leaning back on her chair. Eustace felt his stomach squirm guiltily. "Oh, I'm sorry for snapping."

"Aside from the fact you just snapped your apology, I forgive you," Pole smiled, sitting straighter again. "I say, I'd forgotten all about it. We're going tomorrow, aren't we? I can't wait!"

Eustace grinned. He remembered, too. They were off to meet his cousins and stay with them in London. They were to travel by train the next day, together, and would be staying a week. As it was the summer holidays, all of the Pevensie children would be at home to greet them.

"_Do_ tell me about them again, your cousins" Pole asked. Her eyes glittered with excitement, and Eustace, upon staring into them, began to feel a little excited too, despite going to see the same cousins every year.

"What about them?"

"About their reign in Nar-"

"Eustace Clarence," called Alberta from the kitchen. "Help me clean these plates please."

"Bother," Eustace muttered, standing up. "You stay here, Pole. I won't be long."

He entered the kitchen and saw that his mother hadn't even started to clean the dishes. Instead she was leaning against the kitchen counter, arms folded, an anxious expression on her face. Before he could say anything, she spoke out.

"I don't want you to go tomorrow."

Eustace blinked, and could instantly feel anger rising in him. As calmly as possible, he took a couple of deep breaths. "Why not?"

"The Pevensies haven't been a good influence on you," she explained, eyes slightly narrowed. "And your father and I have barely gotten to see you this holiday. It would be nice of you to stay at home with us."

"I can't just call it off," Eustace said, feeling rather sick. He knew that if his mother truly didn't want him to go, he _wouldn't_ be going. "Pole and I have got the tickets, and we're both looking forward to it. Aunt Helen and Uncle Edward have already got rooms sorted for us."

"I know," she replied, sighing heavily and unfolding her arms. "I simply don't want you to be another Pevensie, with all respect to my brother and his wife. You used to be so -"

"Alberta," Eustace sighed. Her eyes widened ever so slightly. He had used a much more mature tone than the both of them were used to. "Please, I haven't changed. Or if I have, surely it's for the better?"

Alberta sighed heavily. A resigned look had formed on her face. "I don't need you to help me clean the pots after all. Feel free to return to Jill."

It was with some guilt that Eustace entered the dining room. But at one look at Pole's excited, smiling face, the guilt seemed to wash away. Still, he couldn't shake off the thought that his relationship with his mother was become more strained by the day. He hoped that she would see, she would _realise_, that her son was really much better than before.

**A/N: I promise chapter 2 is more lengthy & exciting. :) Please do review with your thoughts, & I really do hope you'll stick with this story. Next chapter -- _Of Trains and Pevensies_ -- will be up shortly. x**


	2. Of Trains and Meetings

_Disclaimer: Anybody and anything you recognise belongs to C.S. Lewis._

**A/N: Thanks very much for the reviews so far! I hope you like the Pevensies in this one -- I adore writing about them. 3**

Jill and Scrubb were sat opposite one another on the steam train in a comfortable silence, looking out of the windows to watch the countryside dashing past them. They were both eagerly waiting for their journey to end.

Jill couldn't _believe_ her luck. By some sad twist of fate, she had never been to London before. Now, not only was she going to the capital of her country, but she was going to meet the Pevensies. She didn't know quite why it meant so much to meet them. But once Scrubb had explained all about the 'Golden Age' they'd ruled, in Narnia, and ever since she had been fascinated.

Narnia. She had missed it so much. It had stirred change in her. She had felt like a different person when she had come back from it. Not only that,but the change in Scrubb, from one term to the next, had really come clear to her now.

She stole a glance at him. In looks, he hadn't changed much. His hair was dark brown and brushed neatly. His eyes were hazel. But in spirit he had changed - he was a little more brave, noble and had lost his pretentious need for making others feel inferior. When they'd first met, she'd hated him. A spoilt little boy, with an annoying need to prove everybody else wrong, and a little tag along of _them_. Yet now, he was quite possibly her best friend.

"We should be there in about ten minutes," he spoke up, looking away from the window. She started; she had been daydreaming. Beaming excitedly, she stretched, and shook her hair from her eyes. The train seats were not the most comfortable, but luckily it had been a fairly short journey.

"You're sure they won't mind me going though, Scrubb?" she ventured. "I really do feel like I'm forcing -"

"Oh, don't start that again! You know perfectly well that _I_ invited you, and that I told the Pevensie lot that as well. You can be so paranoid."

Jill sighed, tapping her fingers against the windowsill. "I don't mean to be. But your cousins all sound so wonderful. I don't want to go around making an ass of myself, and I'm certain I will. After all, they're -"

"Pole!" Scrubb cut through her, sounding annoyed. "They're not perfect. Why should you give two hoots what they think of you?"

"They're Kings and Queens of Narnia," she whispered, looking around and leaning closer to him. No one else, luckily, was in the carriage, but she still spoke in a hushed voice. "They're the closest to royalty I'll ever meet. Why shouldn't I want to make a good impression?"

"Don't harp on about _that_, for goodness sake. They were royalty in Narnia, but they're just normal kids in this world. Anyway, I can't imagine why they wouldn't like you just the way you are."

Jill laughed, resting back again. "I'm sorry, I'm acting like a fool. But do tell me about them again. I don't want to miss anything and ask all the wrong questions."

Sighing heavily, Scrubb simply glared at her. "You know it all, Pole. I'm fed up with singing my cousins praises."

Jill - quite understandably - had been rather fixated with the fact that Eustace's cousins actually got to rule over a kingdom for years and years. She was also a little jealous that others had gotten the chance. She didn't bear the Pevensies any ill will or anything of the sort. But it was as it is when you imagine a person who has got something you'd really like to have, or that is better than what you have; you don't blame the person, but you desperately want the privilege they have. After all - most, if not all, girls would have loved to have the chance that Susan and Lucy Pevensie had.

"I'm not asking you to sing them any praises. I just want to hear more about -"

"Oh, do hush up! We're slowing down! We're here!"

A small thrill sparked inside of her. She had been ready to shout at her companion at being told to 'hush up', but forgot all about it, standing up hurriedly and grabbing her suitcase. Out of the windows, the scenery came to a halt and the platform was filled with waiting people. Her eyes scanned them. Some of them would be the Pevensies. Scrubb casually and calmly stood up, stretching and yawning.

"Come on, Scrubb! Get your suitcase and let's be off. I say, it _is_ nice to be out of Cambridge."

Two minutes later, they were off the train and searching for the Pevensies. The station was hectic and busy, so Scrubb had grabbed Jill's hand, pulling her along after him. Jill resented this mollycoddling slightly, but allowed it, as it was thanks to her friend she was even in London.

Then he stopped, causing her to bang in to him. Releasing his hand immediately, she pushed him in the back, though softly. He didn't seem to notice. Instead he was waving to someone, and greeting them. He turned his head to smile at her. "There you go. The High King Peter has come to drive us to his castle."

He was there indeed, Jill found. Leant against the wall was a young man of about twenty, smiling at them in welcome. He wore a light brown tweed suit, freshly polished brown shoes, fingerless driving gloves and a small cap on his sandy hair. He walked over to them, whistling cheerily, before extending a hand. Scrubb took it.

"It's good to see you again, Eustace," Peter smiled, shaking it. Then he turned to Jill. She felt suddenly shy. It must have shown on her face, for the expression on Peter's face grew slightly concerned. "You must be Jill Pole. We've heard ever such a lot about you. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"H-hello," she smiled, nervously. Her voice - much to her dismay - had gone rather shriller and whinier than usual. "It's nice to meet you too."

"You're driving us, then?" Eustace asked, as Peter led them out of the station.

"Yes. Mother and Father are at the shop, they're going to buy dinner for tonight. Everyone else is at home. Lucy begged to come, but there wouldn't have been room for anyone else in the car, what with your suitcases and such."

The two boys began to talk of things, such as dinner that night and sleeping arrangements, but Jill hardly listened. She was in awe. They had left the station now, and were walking up a busy London street to where the car was parked. _London_. The people seemed more alive, the streets vibrant and the laughter louder here. Shop windows were fascinating - mugs and such with royal faces on them, flags, expensive dresses that Jill would do anything for. And this was just _one street_.

"Here we are," Peter's voice came, making her look up. There was a small car parked neatly by the road. They climbed in, realising that Peter had been right. The suitcases took up a whole chair in the car with only four seats. Jill had been given the front seat next to Peter, whilst Eustace sat in the back with their belongings.

"What do you think of London so far, Jill?" Peter asked, as they set out down the busy street.

"It's - it's brilliant," she said, eyes on the passing scenery. "I've never been before, you see. It's a lovely change from Cambridge."

"I am glad you like it, but you'll see - you'll get bored of this place soon enough."

"Oh, I doubt I will," Jill replied, surprised. "I've spent my entire life in Cambridge, aside a holiday to the sea now and then. It is lovely to spend the summer anywhere different. I'm very grateful to you and your family for letting me stay."

"We're all very happy that you're staying with us. As I said, we've heard a lot about you. Eustace talks of you very often."

"Well," piped up Scrubb from the back of the car, indignantly, "I wouldn't say _very_ often."

"Oh, of course not," Peter replied in a soothing voice. But he caught Jill's eye and winked. She went slightly pink, smiling shyly back at him. Confusion had come over her - what had that meant? Did Scrubb _really_ go on about her all the time? Why did he deny it? Why did Peter evidently find it so amusing? But, most importantly, _why_ was she making such a big deal it to herself?

"How are the others then?" Scrubb asked, after a few minutes silence.

"Mother and Father are alright. Lucy is as cheery as always - she's very excited that you're both coming. Ed's been surprisingly happy recently, probably because school is over. Susan - well - I barely see anything of her these days."

"How do you mean?"

"Hmm," Peter seemed to be thinking of how to best reply to his cousin. "There's a different party every night. Or she's out shopping. Or with a boy. It's hard to know _what_ she's thinking any more. She's distant from the lot of us, even Mother. Any conversation we do have is hurried and of no meaning. I suppose it's all part of a girl growing up."

"Hardly," Jill said, louder and more defensively than she'd intended. Peter looked at her in surprise. "I mean - I'm sorry - all I meant was I can't imagine doing all that."

"Perhaps not," Peter frowned. "I can't see Lucy acting that way either. Everyone has always called Susan the pretty one of the family. I'm guessing that's played a part in how she's turned out."

"Bother that," Scrubb sighed, sounding frustrated. "Susan's always wanted to be all girly and silly."

"Let's not speak of it any more," Peter said, quickly and rather sternly. Jill guessed that the subject of his sister was a rather sensitive subject; that he cared for her deeply and that losing her like this had hurt him. She felt furious at Scrubb for causing such a bad, miserable air to enter the car.

The rest of the journey was spent in an uncomfortable silence, occasionally broken by small attempts at conversation (that all failed). So it was with some relief that the three of them left the car twenty minutes later, Jill now even more worried about meeting Susan. She was anxious to make a good impression on all the Pevensies - but especially the girls. After all, from experience she knew that girls could be much more judgemental at first meetings.

They had parked outside a fairly large and respectable house, on a quiet suburban street. The house looked friendly and inviting, the front garden leading up to it carefully decorated in colourful flowers and cut grass. Jill thought it a lovely place, and told Peter so. He thanked her, but she was sure she had heard Scrubb mutter something like "trying to act grown up" about her compliment.

"Eustace!" came a thrilled, loud female voice, and a pretty girl came running down the garden towards them. She had fair hair to her shoulders, large brown eyes and the most genuinely happy face Jill had ever seen. She seemed only about sixteen but, like Peter, had a grace and charm about her that suggested far more experience than her few years.

"Hello Lucy," Scrubb smiled in reply, but was suddenly scowling as his cousin threw her arms tightly around him and kissed his face. He pulled himself from her, rubbing his cheeks in embarrassment. "Yes, _hello_, I said. Calm down. This is Jill Pole."

At these last words he motioned to Jill, who was smiling despite herself. It was hard not to in the presence of the older girl. Lucy turned to Jill and immediately swooped, kissing her on both her cheeks and hugging her too. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Jill! I've been looking forward to it for such a long time, after hearing about you from Eustace. _Do_ come in, there's no point us standing out here any longer."

She dragged Jill by the hand up the twisting garden path and through the front door. "But my luggage is still in the car," Jill explained, though she was ecstatic at this warm and comfortable welcome.

"Never mind about that," Lucy dismissed it, cheerily. "Peter will bring it in. Here, I'll find Ed for you. Susan's just getting changed for some dance - I _think_ - but once she's finished you simply must meet her too."

At the word dance, Lucy sounded slightly disgusted, but her tone soon returned to it's normal laughter-filled call. The hall was bright and neat - Jill got the impression that the Pevensies were a very happy, close few, and that they were all very much about 'family', thank you very much. It was a stark contrast to her own home life - a workaholic father, a rather fussing mother and an older sister who couldn't care less _who_ her relations were, provided they didn't cut off her allowance.

They went into a small, cosy room, with a bookshelf almost spilling with dust volumes, two invitingly soft-seeming settees and a boy of around seventeen sitting at a small chessboard, drumming his fingers on the black and white squares. He had blonde hair, a sprinkling of freckles over his nose and green eyes. Like his siblings, he seemed old beyond his years. It was something about the eyes. He looked up as the two girls entered and grinned.

"Hullo! So, Lu, you've returned to be beaten, have you?" he asked, as his sister took a seat opposite him, eyes darting over the chessboard for her next move. "And you're Jill, of course. It's nice to meet you. I hope Eustace has been in one of his more agreeable moods.""

Scrubb, who was just innocently trundling after Lucy and Jill, entered the room to hear these words and laughed. "I've not been here two minutes, and you're already picking on me."

"Some things never change," came Peter's voice, as he popped his head into the room, causing everyone to chuckle. "Jill, I've dropped your suitcases in your room. Eustace, you can help me carry _your_ things. They're almost as heavy as the car itself."

Scrubb, not without a grumble or two, consented, and left with his eldest cousin. Jill sat down at the nearest sofa, and watched with interest as Edmund and Lucy continued their chess match. Lucy, tongue between her teeth with concentration as she scanned the board, was beating her brother. Edmund, seemingly to distract himself from the losing battle, glanced over at their guest. "Seriously though, Eustace _has_ been behaving himself? He can get in to frightful moods."

"Yes, don't worry," Jill said in reply. "He's been fine so far. Of course, it can change at any moment with him, but so far so good!"

"Oh, Ed, how can _you_ say a thing about anybody else's moods? You're not famed as being grumpy for nothing," Lucy giggled, after another well placed move caused Edmund to curse softly. "By the way, Jill, I'm going shopping tomorrow in town. You're welcome to join me. I _had_ invited Susan, but she has plans."

"What a shock," Edmund murmured, scrutinising his chess pieces, as if it were their fault he was losing.

"I'd love to!" Jill enthused, already feeling as though she'd known the Pevensies forever. Each of them so far had so subtly made her feel so welcome. They'd made an effort to be kind to her, without being patronising and going overboard. She had no idea why Scrubb's mother (her friend had confessed the conversation they'd had in the kitchen) didn't appear to like the Pevensies that much. As far as Jill had seen, they were _wonderful_.

"Good," Lucy nodded, pushing the hair from her eyes. "We shall leave at eleven and then we can be back by dinner at three. I haven't been shopping for the longest time, and I've been looking forward to going since summer began. I am glad you're here, Jill."

"As am I. I've got some birthday money from yesterday, and I've no idea what to spend it on. I was thinking Scrubb's present - it's his birthday next month - but it seems odd to spend a money that _was_ a present on somebody else. Do you think -"

"Lucy," came a female voice, from out of the room. "Are Eustace and his friend here yet?"

Lucy rolled her eyes with a sigh. "Yes, Susan. Do come in - Jill's in here with Ed and I."

Light, graceful step could be heard down a staircase, and then a young woman entered the room. Jill's eyebrows raised against her will. The girl was evidently in the flower of her youth. Thick black hair hung sleek and ever-so-slightly wavy down her back, her face was perfectly shaped and symmetrical with one or two freckles on her small, dainty nose. She held herself with more grace than her younger sister, but lacked the warmth of Lucy. Not that Susan seemed particularly cold - just more reserved and refined.

"Jill," she smiled. It was one of the prettiest smiles Jill had ever seen. "It's lovely to meet you. I hope you're well?"

"Yes, thanks."

"Your journey wasn't troublesome?"

"No, it was fine, thank you."

"I'm glad," she smiled again, before turning to her brother and sister. "Have you shown dear Jill her bedroom yet? I'm sure you haven't - the only person who's been upstairs is Peter with a couple of suitcases. You _should_ have, instead of playing games."

"Well, _dear_ Susan" Edmund began, doing a brilliant impression of his elder sister's voice, "if you didn't insist on being so like -"

"What our dear brother is trying to say," Lucy cut in hastily, for Susan looked rather affronted at the mockery, "is that we are about to."

"Good," Susan graced them all with one last smile, before turning and leaving the room, calling over her shoulder, "I probably won't see you again tonight. I might be back from my dancing after you've gone to bed."

A solemn air entered the room after that, not broken until Peter and Eustace came back and rejoined them. They had a pleasant day together, in which they played catch and the girls collected flowers to decorate the house in. After an evening of meeting Mr and Mrs Pevensie - who were both kind and welcoming - and eating a nice dinner, Jill was rather sad when she lay down in her room that night. She had had a lovely time so far, enjoying the presence of everybody she'd met. But she couldn't shake off the ill-boding feeling that Susan had caused a strain through her siblings that ran deeper and further than Jill had yet seen.

**A/N: Thaaaaaaaaaank you for reading! :) I hope you liked the chapter. x**


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